Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
