Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
