did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
