you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
