He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
