i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
