i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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