are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
