I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
