I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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