I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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