hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I got inside last night via doggy door
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
