i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
