i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
