Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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