Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
