It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
