Got a toothbrush?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
