If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
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