You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
My cat gives me a boner
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
