I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
