Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
