You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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