Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
