i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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