Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
50% drunk capacity currently
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
