did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
