This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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