And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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