mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
