hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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