protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
