come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
