I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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