How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
