Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
