Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
