he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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