we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
