Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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