just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
