Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
