He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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