I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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