You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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