Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
