Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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