Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
