I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
