I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
