I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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