Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
they need to just BURY HIM!
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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