Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
