Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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