I wish my penis had an off switch
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
