I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Randomize
