I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
