How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
