I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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