My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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